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| Man the Provider. |
A man has two options in a relationship: Either STAND UP and be the man she needs (a PROVIDER and PROTECTOR)... or... SIT DOWN so she can see the one behind you!
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a) The Provider
I take my role as a provider in my family to heart. Note, that I said
a provider not the provider. In today’s economic and
social climate it appears to be the norm that in a marriage and in a
family both parents are providers. I applaud all those men and women who
are being and doing all they can to provide for their families no
matter where in the world and no matter the circumstances. Well done!
The role of a provider is a big responsibility and is not particularly
easy. It is, however, very rewarding.
I suppose I should underline here that in this context provider
relates to the provision of money and material needs and what that
allows us to purchase and invest in for the sake of our day-to-day
living and our aspired lifestyle. I realise that being a provider
can cover many other things which I plan to address in the next few
posts on men’s roles in today’s world. In all our roles, as men, we are
meant to be role-models and lead by example. Actually, that’s true for
anyone.
Now…I know in our household, the role of provider is shared. Good
thing. That was not always the case.
There was a time when I thought I had to be the provider. A
male thing I think. My worth was wrapped up in my ability to
provide for my wife and, one day, for my family. If
I could not provide then my belief was that it meant I was a failure as
a man, husband and father. My ego and my pride had a lot to answer for.
The man being the chief
bread-winner
of the family, the provider. It’s instinctive for him to provide
for and
protect his woman and his children. It’s built into the male
psyche, and
God built that male psyche.
Women have always worked, by the way—I’m not
going
totally chauvinistic on you, advocating that women be barefoot,
pregnant
and chained to the stove! In times past, the lady worked
alongside of
her man, helping get the harvest in before the rains, or as part
of the
family trade or business. But the man was the full-time field
laborer—working, as the Bible says, by the sweat of his brow,
fighting
to grow crops out of a stubborn land. The woman helps as needed,
but her
main task is nurturing the children—and believe me, she’s fully
employed
in that task.
Certainly, raising the next generation is more important
than any
factory or office job the woman might otherwise devote her life
to. The
devil and frustrated feminists have sold the modern American
woman a
bill of goods!
As for the well-adjusted man, working women
don’t
threaten him, they confuse him. He’s supposed to be the
bread-winner,
not his wife. He’s supposed to be the provider. A wife that is
not
content to be his counter-part and help-meet, a suitable,
comparable
match to his manhood has a tendency to mess with his inner
biological
settings. He’s programmed by God and nature to be the
provider—why does
she feel the need to compete with him?
Only in finding out what God meant you to be,
and
following it, will you ever be happy, content, at peace with
yourself.
Only if men are allowed to be men, can women know what women are
supposed to be, and can children grow up in a stable and safe
environment into the men and women that God intended them to be.
It’s no
secret that more traditional, family-orientated societies are
better at
rearing children, and are happier and more adjusted, in spite of
poverty, dictatorial governments, and other negative factors
that may be
present.
b) The Protector
Modern science has an explanation—testosterone.
It makes men larger, helps them develop muscles more easily, and
also
contributes to them losing their temper with more frequency. A
routine
example of bad manners on the highway easily illustrates one of
the
chief differences between men and women in this respect.
Well, I’m sorry to announce that the ladies
are
right—Jesus said so. He told men to turn the other cheek, to
give
someone your coat if he takes your shirt—don’t let the ungodly
lure you
to their level of existence, but transcend your fleshly
impulses.
Control this dynamite known as testosterone. Testosterone does have it’s place,
however—it’s part
of the make-up God gave us, and it’s the reason the race
survives.
Dreamy-eyed pacifists say we should solve our
problems
diplomatically. How do you reason with a wolf or a tiger? How do
you
reason with a blizzard that threatens to bury your family in an
icy
grave? How do you reason with the Philistines when they raid
your city,
rape your women, and steal your children?
Folks, you can’t take the warrior out of a
man, or a
boy, for that matter. We have well-meaning Christian friends who
feel
that violence is not a Christian value, and who forbid their son
to play
with guns and other imaginary weapons. I’ll tell you right now,
if you
don’t buy him a plastic gun, he’ll pick up a stick and pretend
anyway—it’s part of being a man. A warrior doesn't
simply like
to fight—his job is to protect good people from bad people.
Today, we have professional policemen and
soldiers to
protect us, so men end up waving fists on the highway, picking
fights in
bars, or bickering over the pre-eminence in the local church.
Others
invent crises among friends and family—there’s a truth in the
old saying
that so-and-so isn’t happy unless he’s fighting with someone.
It’s
testosterone gone bad, out of control. It’s anything but manly,
but if
you’ve been castrating the man in all the other areas of his
life, it’s
one of the few outlets he has left. Because if he’s not allowed
to be
the provider and protector of his family, he’s a very unhappy
camper—not
a true man at all.
![Photo: MARRIAGE AS A COVENANT RELATIONSHIP.
One of the greatest mistakes that many people make regarding marriage is
that they do not know what they are committing themselves to. When you
get married you get into a covenant. You may be taught prior to getting
married but you will never have a full appreciation until you get into
marriage.
Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly for whatever
reason. The world today has ridiculed it and divorce is rampant not only
in the world but also in the church. It has ceased to have the
sacredness that it was upheld in the days gone by. The main reason is
that people think of it as a contract not a covenant. The understanding
of covenant has been lost in our generation.
The moment that you say your vows things change in that instant. One of
the greatest changes that takes place is that your body is not your own
and your life ceases to be your own. Whereas in the days gone by you
could just walk out the house and do as you please now there is another
person to consider. Decisions cannot be made on a whim but have to made
in consultation. Your life is no longer your own. You have to change
when you get married.
You cannot just walk into marriage and walk out. One of the greatest
lessons I had of covenant was a story of a man whose wife passed away
because she would continuously nose bleed. When that situation got worse
and was hospitalized because of that nasal hemorrhaging that man stood
by his wife daily. He got the necessary days off to be with her in
hospital every day. Every time people would go to the hospital they
would not fail to see him with his wife. Till the day that she went to
be with the Lord her husband was with her.
This man realized that he was in a covenant with his spouse and so
should you when you are married. Life will always throw these
opportunities to test your covenant keeping abilities. You will have
that opportunities [yes many of them] to break that relationship and
throw it away. At that time one of you should have the sense to fight
for that relationship because you are in a covenant.In most cases of
divorce there is someone faithful to the covenant. It is my firm belief
that this thing that divorce is by mutual content is a lie. There is
always someone who still wants to keep that thing going and is willing
to fight for it with his/her all. There is usually still one person who
wants to give it a shot and fight for the marriage.
This is the attitude that I believe we have lost in this generation: the
will to fight for something we believe in. We have bought into the lie
that when a marriage is broken it has to be thrown away and cannot be
mended. Get another one while you are at it.Every marriage has to be
fought for no matter the circumstances. Everyone who is married should
mend what has been broken because one way or the other he/she is
responsible. Take responsibility for your actions and your marriage.
FOUR FACETS OF COVENANT LIVING.
1. God has to be at the center of your marriage. Many people take it for
granted that God has to be at the center of a marriage. You need to go
through what many people go through to get a spouse only then will you
appreciate the wisdom of God I keeping your spouse for you.Many of us
want to have things our own way as regards to marriage to the extent of
going against our consciences. When we do many of us get hurt and for
some it is irreparable damage to our souls. You just have to see a
person wounded by a failed relationship to understand that God needs to
be at the center. He should initiate the romance.When we let God be the
center of your love life He will make sure that you get the right
spouse. When you do, the life you live will manifest His grace both
spiritually and physically. You will get a spouse whose life will
inspire you to a better walk with God.
2. It involves two different people- you and your spouse are not the
same and have to be different. When a covenant is cut two people bring
two strengths into a mutually beneficial arrangement. These strengths
become what makes the whole greater than the sum of the individuals. If
you were the same then there is no need to have the other as a
partner.In marriage the greatest challenges stem from the fact that we
are different. Many people do not know how to reconcile the two. We have
to come to the understanding that our masculine and feminine
characteristics complement each other.People will change over time more
so women after child birth but you cannot change and refuse to be with
her. This is where you need to be a person of covenant and keep your
word. We need to be covenant keepers and stand by the promises we gave.
3. It requires us to change- because you are in covenant we need to
change to accommodate your spouse. Many people have shipwrecked their
marriages because they are unwilling to change. In many cases these
changes need to be about the way that we view the world and Christians
in general. You cannot run a relationship with radical Christian beliefs
for it will surely destroy the marriage. While there is nothing wrong
with being radical it is the persistent radicalism that causes problems.
It is a stage in the life of every believer but we need to come to a
place where we are sober and realize you need to get out of that stage.
There is no way that you can do these things forever.I know of many men
who have destroyed their relationships and marriages because they want
to run them like military barracks. You need to change and come back to
the center. Some of the theories many of us held do not work because
they are not practical.Realize that you are in a new relationship and
you are in a new experience different from your radical views. Your
definitions of spirituality do not work in a relationship and your
radical ideas will have to be thrown out. Most of the radical Christians
need to be sober and need to learn to handle a spouse. They need to
change lest they become a casualty of life.
4. You need the advice of the witnesses to the marriage covenant
[PROVERBS 1114]. While many of us put on a facade that all is well we
need to realize that what you go through in relationships and marriage
is not unique to you. For this reason there is a cloud of witnesses here
on earth that can help you out of that fix. Even more so many people
just do not ask anyone to aid in the problems. We easily forget that
this is the reason many of us were witnesses at your wedding. We as the
witnesses are there to encourage you when you hit rough patches.
There is nothing new about the experiences we go through. It is my firm
belief that all things being equal men will all behave in a similar way
in the same situations. The same is true for women. This is why it’s
important to seek advice and because there is nothing new about what you
are going though in your marriage. Counsel will help you to keep
covenant as what you may view as a mountain in marriage will be merely a
molehill in the presence of godly counsel.As I close I want you as a
believer to commit to a life of covenant. We need to be covenant keepers
and stand by the promises we gave. Make it a point for you and your
house you will keep covenant.](https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/p480x480/946295_558238614213572_275249392_n.jpg)
