Healing Emotional Wounds

Healing Emotional Wounds

Many have wounds that are still oozing blood but before l go into detail sharing on the healing process, please identify your emotional wounds with what i have listed below.

Part One: Identify Emotional Wounds

The first thing we need to do is identify the problem, and realize the need for inner healing. Below is a common list of common symptoms to look for in somebody who has an emotional wound:

1. Inner rawness: there's often a sense of inner rawness and hurt that doesn't seem to go away.

2. Irritability: it's easy to become irritable with others, even if they aren't doing anything wrong!

3. Little or no tolerance: there is a low tolerance issue with others, where you expect and demand from them.

4. Feelings always rising up: feelings of anger, hate, resentment, etc. seem to "rise up" within you at the slightest offense from others.

Overly sensitive about an event in your past: If there are events in your past which cause you to become very sensitive or angry, or even cause you to lash out, then it is likely revealing a deep emotional wound tied in with that event or memory.

5. Hard to forgive: it becomes very difficult, if not impossible to love and therefore forgive others. It can also be hard to forgive and love yourself. It can even be hard to forgive and love God, even though He has done nothing wrong against you!

6. Hard to feel loved: it is hard to clearly see and realize the love of others and God in your life. You may be surrounded by people who love you, but it can be difficult to fully feel and receive that love. There seems to be a wall up that blocks the flow of love into your life.

7. Lashing out: when there's an inner wound that has festered, it becomes easy to lash out or have sudden outbursts of anger, hate, resentment, etc. You may find it easy to lash out at people who love you, and have done you no harm.

8. Feelings of anger towards God: when a person has been wounded, it becomes easy to blame God for their troubles and hardships. This is the last thing that you want to do when seeking to be healed, because it virtually puts a wall in your mind that can block the healing power of the Holy Spirit to operate. Although He desires to heal your wound, He will not override your freewill, and if you hold hate in your heart against Him, it can block His efforts to heal your wounds.

9. Self-hate: many times when a person is hurt from past abuse, they will begin to think that perhaps what happened to them, was deserved because of something they did or the way that they were. This is not true. Abuse is never acceptable, even if a child was being out of order. Parental love disciplines and corrects, but never abuses.

10. Easily frustrated: because an inner turmoil that an inner wound causes, it is easy to become easily frustrated with everyday chores and responsibilities.

11. Escapism: as a result of inner turmoil, it is easy to desire to escape or suppress reality. This can be in the form of overeating, drinking, smoking, porn, spending binges, etc. When a person indulges in escapism, addictions can form, and open the door to spirits of addiction, which makes the addictions virtually impossible to break.

12. Cutting: a person who is a cutter usually has an alter inside the person who is holding much pain, and needs to release the pain or it honestly feels that it deserves the pain (self-hate/religious bondage).

13. Retaliation urges: because of built-up hate and anger as a result of unforgiveness, somebody who has a festering inner wound will find it easy to retaliate or snap back at those who offend them or step on their toes.

14. Irresponsible behavior: inner pain has a way of consuming a person's mind, and eventually this can take on a careless approach to life. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you have an inner wound, and if you don't feel good about yourself, it will begin to show in your lifestyle.

15. Irrational expectations of others: somebody who has been wounded may set high expectations for those around them. They feel that others ought to hold up to unrealistic standards, and are very intolerable to any mistakes made. They find it hard to forbear (put up with) one another as the Bible commands of us (see Colossians 3:13).

16. Perfectionism: a person who has an emotional wound may also be performance driven. Perhaps they felt like no matter what they did, they could never please a parent or authority figure, and later on in life, that rejection wound causes the person to be a performer to the point where they are never satisfied and burned out by their efforts.

17. Feelings of hopelessness: I believe this is also a common result of unresolved inner wounds. Since the love of God is blocked in your life, it becomes hard to see why He would love or care for you, and therefore you become an easy target for feelings of hopelessness.

18. Driven-ness: when you suffer from an emotional wound, it can create a sense of void in your life's meaning, thus driving you to find meaning and purpose and happiness. This could be in the form of college degrees, careers, financial success, etc. Instead of appreciating the person who God has made (YOU!), you find yourself chasing what you think will bring true happiness and purpose to your life.

19. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD: it is my belief that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often involves emotional wounds that were never fully healed. This is especially true with people who have bondages to self-hate, self-resentment, self-unforgiveness, etc.

20. Hostility towards God, self, and others: because of bound up emotions, a person can tend to feel hostile towards God, other people in their life, or even themselves. This is usually rooted in a form of bitterness against God for not preventing something from happening to you, bitterness against somebody who has wronged or harmed you emotionally, or bitterness against yourself for failures that you've fallen into yourself.

Part Two:  Be honest with yourself!
...
If you had a headache, would you go to the doctor and tell him, "There's something wrong with me, but I don't want to think about it long enough to figure out what it is! I don't know what's wrong with me! I don't know if it's a headache, a stomachache, a runny nose, or an ingrown toenail!" You would never do that when seeking physical healing, would you? Then why do we so often do this very thing when we are seeking inner healing? We know that there's a problem, a wound, but we don't want to even peek into our pasts to figure out what is really wrong! If you're going to receive healing for an emotional wound, you need to first be honest with yourself and what has happened. Let's get started by answering some basic questions:

Who is it that you hate or blame? Be honest with yourself; there's somebody in your past that you, or an alter within you, is holding something against. Be specific, and go back as far as you can. If you can figure out when this wound began, and who is responsible, it is the first step to receiving healing for the wound.

What did they do to you? Make a list of everything that was done to you, which you still hold against them in your heart. What might be a list of things which you still hold onto in your heart? What things can't you seem to easily forget? I'm not referring to a list of people whom you haven't forgiven, but rather a list of people/events where you just cannot seem to release it from your heart.

Don't try to cover up their mistake and say that it was alright. If they did you wrong, then there's no getting around that. Being honest about what was done to you is very important.

What things have you done, that you deeply regret? Make a list of things that you still, to this day, regret doing. If you have any feelings of self-hate, 'self-unforgiveness', etc., then you need to be honest and figure out why you hate yourself.

Is there anything in your past that you feel excessively embarrassed or ashamed of? This is a common cause for self-hate. If there are things which you still haven't forgiven yourself of, then now is a good time to make a list of those things, so that you can effectively forgive and release the hate held secretly within your heart against yourself.

It is vital that we get right down to the roots, and lay out the specific reasons why there are wounds that have not yet healed. Spiritual infections, like natural infections, will fester and grow worse when in the dark; it is important to bring the issues to the light, so they can no longer fester, but receive the healing light of Christ into those areas of the mind and emotions. If you cannot be honest with yourself, and bring these things out into the light, then you're only hindering the healing power of the Holy Spirit from ministering to those wounds and bringing about healing in your mind and emotions.

Man the Provider.

Man the Provider.

A man has two options in a relationship: Either STAND UP and be the man she needs (a PROVIDER and PROTECTOR)... or... SIT DOWN so she can see the one behind you!

Do you have difficulties in fulfilling your "Provider functions? Worry not, there is a free easy way out. CLICK HERE TO START EARNING EXTRA CASH ONLINE (PART-TIME)

a) The Provider

 I take my role as a provider in my family to heart. Note, that I said a provider not the provider. In today’s economic and social climate it appears to be the norm that in a marriage and in a family both parents are providers. I applaud all those men and women who are being and doing all they can to provide for their families no matter where in the world and no matter the circumstances. Well done! The role of a provider is a big responsibility and is not particularly easy. It is, however, very rewarding.

I suppose I should underline here that in this context provider relates to the provision of money and material needs and what that allows us to purchase and invest in for the sake of our day-to-day living and our aspired lifestyle. I realise that being a provider can cover many other things which I plan to address in the next few posts on men’s roles in today’s world. In all our roles, as men, we are meant to be role-models and lead by example. Actually, that’s true for anyone.

Now…I know in our household, the role of provider is shared. Good thing. That was not always the case.

There was a time when I thought I had to be the provider. A male thing I think. My worth was wrapped up in my ability to provide for my wife and, one day, for my family. If I could not provide then my belief was that it meant I was a failure as a man, husband and father. My ego and my pride had a lot to answer for.

The man being the chief bread-winner of the family, the provider. It’s instinctive for him to provide for and protect his woman and his children. It’s built into the male psyche, and God built that male psyche.

Women have always worked, by the way—I’m not going totally chauvinistic on you, advocating that women be barefoot, pregnant and chained to the stove! In times past, the lady worked alongside of her man, helping get the harvest in before the rains, or as part of the family trade or business. But the man was the full-time field laborer—working, as the Bible says, by the sweat of his brow, fighting to grow crops out of a stubborn land. The woman helps as needed, but her main task is nurturing the children—and believe me, she’s fully employed in that task. 

Certainly, raising the next generation is more important than any factory or office job the woman might otherwise devote her life to. The devil and frustrated feminists have sold the modern American woman a bill of goods!

As for the well-adjusted man, working women don’t threaten him, they confuse him. He’s supposed to be the bread-winner, not his wife. He’s supposed to be the provider. A wife that is not content to be his counter-part and help-meet, a suitable, comparable match to his manhood has a tendency to mess with his inner biological settings. He’s programmed by God and nature to be the provider—why does she feel the need to compete with him?

Only in finding out what God meant you to be, and following it, will you ever be happy, content, at peace with yourself. Only if men are allowed to be men, can women know what women are supposed to be, and can children grow up in a stable and safe environment into the men and women that God intended them to be. It’s no secret that more traditional, family-orientated societies are better at rearing children, and are happier and more adjusted, in spite of poverty, dictatorial governments, and other negative factors that may be present.

b) The Protector

God designed the man to be a fighter, a warrior. This is probably the part of us that women least understand, but it’s the way we’re programmed. Programmed to protect our women and children.

Modern science has an explanation—testosterone. It makes men larger, helps them develop muscles more easily, and also contributes to them losing their temper with more frequency. A routine example of bad manners on the highway easily illustrates one of the chief differences between men and women in this respect.

Well, I’m sorry to announce that the ladies are right—Jesus said so. He told men to turn the other cheek, to give someone your coat if he takes your shirt—don’t let the ungodly lure you to their level of existence, but transcend your fleshly impulses. Control this dynamite known as testosterone. Testosterone does have it’s place, however—it’s part of the make-up God gave us, and it’s the reason the race survives.

Dreamy-eyed pacifists say we should solve our problems diplomatically. How do you reason with a wolf or a tiger? How do you reason with a blizzard that threatens to bury your family in an icy grave? How do you reason with the Philistines when they raid your city, rape your women, and steal your children?

Folks, you can’t take the warrior out of a man, or a boy, for that matter. We have well-meaning Christian friends who feel that violence is not a Christian value, and who forbid their son to play with guns and other imaginary weapons. I’ll tell you right now, if you don’t buy him a plastic gun, he’ll pick up a stick and pretend anyway—it’s part of being a man. A warrior doesn't simply like to fight—his job is to protect good people from bad people.

Today, we have professional policemen and soldiers to protect us, so men end up waving fists on the highway, picking fights in bars, or bickering over the pre-eminence in the local church. Others invent crises among friends and family—there’s a truth in the old saying that so-and-so isn’t happy unless he’s fighting with someone. It’s testosterone gone bad, out of control. It’s anything but manly, but if you’ve been castrating the man in all the other areas of his life, it’s one of the few outlets he has left. Because if he’s not allowed to be the provider and protector of his family, he’s a very unhappy camper—not a true man at all.

Spirit Wife and Spirit Husband

Do you sometimes have a dream having sex or romancing with someone?

Biology and sciences have lied to you and titled it as "WET DREAMS". You are in real danger and you need to read this article, its quite long but if you want deliverance or have a blessed marriage its worth it. This article will help you understand spiritual husbands/wives and gives you insight on how to break them. It has also provided prayer points.

This issue is not only of women, but many times men too, who experience sexual relationships in their sleep. Study has shown that there are three people affected by this.
• Those who have this relationship on a constant, ongoing basis;
• Those that have this relationship on and off, and
• Those who have this relationship but don't know they do because immediately after, it is wiped off their memory by demonic manipulation.

The third group is the WORST group to belong. Since they cannot remember the dream, they will not be able to do something about it.

Before going into details do you have the following symptoms in your life?
- Marital distress
- Sexual relationships in dreams
- Hatred of marriage
- Being jilted
- Unpardonable sexual error
- Wrong decisions
- Neglect abandonment by the opposite sex
- Demonic dream assistance
- Swimming or seeing a river in the dream
- 'Missing one’s menstrual period in the dream
- Pregnancy in the dream
- Breast- feeding a baby in the dream
- Backing a baby in the dream
- Having a family in the dream
- Shopping with a man/ woman in the dream
- Seeing a man sleeping by one’s side in the dream
- Hatred by earthly spouse
- Serious gynecological problems
- Having a miscarriage after sexual dreams
- Dream marriages

FALSE FACES
These spirits have so mastered the art of deception that they will use the faces of people you are familiar with when they visit you at night. They could use the face of your father, husband, brother, boss or colleague at work, and even of your pastor etc… All these people have nothing to do with this night encounter. We must be careful not to mistake these evil spirits with our loved ones. Sometimes they can appear in the form of animals like (black) dog etc... It's not in dreams that you're supposed to meet with your husband this way. Any experience like that is very questionable, it is call “the spirit husband”

DESCRIPTION
These night-times [sometimes day-time] experiences are called encounters with spirit husbands and spirit wives or “night demons” “demons of sexual lust”. (a. Lust is a desire for illegal pleasure, b. Lust is the willingness to meet a natural and legal need or desire in an illicit or sinful way.)

For example, to eat is a need for every human being, but to fulfill that need through gluttony (overeating) is lust. To want nice things is a natural desire, but to be willing to meet that desire through dishonesty and trickery is lust. There is nothing sinful about our natural God-given sexual urges, but to fulfill those urges through masturbation and/or sexual perversion is lust.

These tormenting spirits are responsible for breaking marriages, hatred by earthly spouse, serious gynecological problems, Marital distress, miscarriages, impotence, untold hardship, financial failure and general failure at the edge of breakthrough.
Isa 5:13 Therefore my people are gone into captivity, because they have no knowledge: and their honorable men are famished, and their multitude dried up with thirst. Get knowledge and be free in Jesus name.

The Supernatural world is as real as the physical. What takes place in the spiritual realm affects us physically in our day to day lives. The subject of the evil spiritual marriage has been grossly misunderstood by many people. While some hold erroneous views, others demonstrate partial knowledge of this all-important subject. The problem of evil marriage goes beyond dilettantish purposes.

EVIL MARRIAGE is a deep subject. It affects many people. From our spiritual research and statistical findings, we have gathered that seven out of ten ladies who profess to be born again are involved, consciously or unconsciously, with evil spiritual marriage. In the same vein, seven out of every ten Christian men are, consciously or unconsciously, affected by evil spiritual marriages.

More than any other power, these spirits have destroyed marriages. Many women suffer from astral sex regularly. Astral sex is the ability to project one’s spirit man into the victim’s body and have intercourse with it. This practice is very common amongst Satanists. They leave their physical bodies in a dormant state while they project their spirits into the body of whoever they want to have sex with.

If you look in the Webster's dictionary, Incubi is described as a spirit being that comes to have intimate relationships with women why they are asleep while Succubi is described as a spirit being that comes to have relationships with men in their sleep. In Matthew 13:25, the Bible says; "But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way."

Scriptures
1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”

Matthew 22:29-30: “Jesus replied, “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God. For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven.”

Genesis 6:2-4: “The sons of God saw the beautiful women and took any they wanted as their wives. — In those days, and for some time after, giant Nephilites lived on the earth, for whenever the sons of God had intercourse with women, they gave birth to children who became the heroes and famous warriors of ancient times.”

PRAYER POINTS: (Repeat the following prayer from the bottom of your heart.)

"Spirit husband/spirit wife, release me by fire, in the name of Jesus.
Every spirit husband/wife, I divorce you by the blood of Jesus.
Every spirit wife/every spirit husband, die, in the name of Jesus.
Everything you have deposited in my life, come out by fire, in the name of Jesus.
Every power that is working against my marriage, fall down and die, in the name of Jesus.
I divorce and renounce my marriage with the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I break all covenants entered into with the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I command the thunder fire of God to burn to ashes the wedding gown, ring, photographs and all other materials used for the marriage, in Jesus’ name.
I send the fire of God to burn to ashes the marriage certificate, in the name of Jesus.
I break every blood and soul-tie covenants with the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I send thunder fire of God to burn to ashes the children born to the marriage, in Jesus’ name.
I withdraw my blood, sperm or any other part of my body deposited on the altar of the spirit husband or wife, in Jesus name.
You spirit husband or wife tormenting my life and earthly marriage I bind you with hot chains and fetters of God and cast you out of my life into the deep pit, and I command you not to ever come into my life again, in the name of Jesus.
I return to you, every property of yours in my possession in the spirit world, including the dowry and whatsoever was used for the marriage and covenants, in the name of Jesus.
I drain myself of all evil materials deposited in my body as a result of our sexual relation, in Jesus’ name.
Lord, send Holy Ghost fire into my root and burn out all unclean things deposited in it by the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I break the head of the snake, deposited into my body by the spirit husband or wife to do me harm, and command it to come out, in the name of Jesus.
I purge out, with the blood of Jesus, every evil material deposited in my womb to prevent me from having children on earth.
Lord, repair and restore every damage done to any part of my body and my earthly marriage by the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I reject and cancel every curse, evil pronouncement, spell, jinx, enchantment and incantation place upon me by the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I take back and possess all my earthly belonging in the custody of the spirit husband or wife, in Jesus’ name.
I command the spirit husband or wife to turn his or her back on me forever, in Jesus’ name.
I renounce and reject the name given to me by the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I hereby declare and confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is my Husband for eternity, in Jesus’ name.
I soak myself in the blood of Jesus and cancel the evil mark or writings placed on me, in Jesus’ name.
I set myself free from the stronghold, domineering power and bondage of the spirit husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I paralyze the remote control power and work used to destabilize my earthly marriage and to hind me from bearing children for my earthly husband or wife, in the name of Jesus.
I announce to the heavens that I am forever married to Jesus.
Every trademark of evil marriage, be shaken out of my life,in the name of Jesus.
Every evil writing, engraved by iron pen, be wiped off by the blood of Jesus.
I bring the blood of Jesus upon the spirit that does not want to go, in the name of Jesus.
I bring the blood of Jesus on every evidence that can be tendered by wicked spirits against me.
I file a counter-report in the heavens against every evil marriage, in the name of Jesus.
I refuse to supply any evidence that the enemy may use against me, in the name of Jesus.
Let satanic exhibitions be destroyed by the blood of Jesus.
I declare to you spirit wife/ husband that there is no vacancy for you in my life, in the name of Jesus.
O Lord, make me a vehicle of deliverance.
I come by faith to mount Zion Lord, command deliverance upon my life now.
Lord, water me from the waters of God.
Let the careful siege of the enemy be dismantled, in Jesus name.
O Lord, defend your interest in my life.
Everything, written against me in the cycle of the moon, be blotted out, in Jesus’ name.
Everything, programmed into the sun, moon and stars against me, be dismantled, in Jesus’ name.
Every evil thing programmed into my genes, be blotted out by the blood of Jesus.
O Lord, shake out seasons of failure and frustrations from my life.
I overthrow every wicked law, working against my life, in the name of Jesus.
I ordain a new time, season and profitable law, in Jesus’ name.
I speak destruction unto the palaces of the queen of the coast and of the rivers, in Jesus’ name.
I speak destruction unto the headquarters of the spirit of Egypt and blow up their altars, in the name of Jesus.
I speak destruction unto the altars, speaking against the purpose of God for my life, in Jesus’ name.
I declare myself a virgin for the Lord, in Jesus’ name.
Let every evil veil upon my life be torn open, in Jesus’ name.
Every wall between me and the visitation of God, be broken, in the name of Jesus.
Let the counsel of God prosper in my life, in the name of Jesus.
I destroy the power of any demonic seed in my life from the womb, in the name of Jesus.
I speak unto my umbilical gate to over throw all negative parental spirits, in the name of Jesus.
I break the yoke of the spirit, having access to my reproductive gates, in the name of Jesus.
O Lord, let your time of refreshing come upon me.
I bring fire from the altar of the Lord upon every evil marriage, in the name of Jesus.
I redeem myself by the blood of Jesus from every sex trap, in the name of Jesus.
I erase the engraving of my name on any evil marriage record, in the name of Jesus.
I reject and renounce every evil spiritual marriage, in the name of Jesus.
I confess that Jesus is my original spouse and is jealous over me.
I issue a bill of divorcement to every spirit wife/husband, in the name of Jesus.
I bind ever spirit wife/ husband with everlasting chains, in the name of Jesus.
Let heavenly testimony overcome every evil testimony of hell, in the name of Jesus.
O Lord, bring to my remembrance every spiritual trap and contract.
Let the blood of Jesus purge me of every contaminating material, in the name of Jesus.
Let the spirit husband/wife fall down and die, in Jesus name.
Let all your children attached to me fall down and die, in the name of Jesus.
I burn your certificates and destroy your rings, in Jesus name.
I execute judgment against water spirits and declare that you are reserved for everlasting chains in darkness, in Jesus name.
O Lord, contend with those who are contending with me.
Every trademark of water spirit, be shaken out of my life, in the name of Jesus. Amen!"

You have been saved. Glory to Jesus

How To Avoid Ruining Your Marriage (6 Basic Rules)

Rule 1: Never Be Unfaithful To Your Wife.

This is a biggie. Marriage is sacred - whether you are religious or not. Being unfaithful to your wife not only proves to her that you disrespect her, but also that you are untrustworthy. Simply never even think about doing it, much less actually doing it. The excitement of an illicit affair is... simply not worth the pain it brings.

Rule 2: Never Lie To Your Wife.

Being truthful, and speaking only the truth, is the only way to ensure that you are never "caught out." If you lie to your wife you will be caught out at some stage, and then she will wonder how many other lies you have told her, and whether you can be trusted at all. It might be painful to tell the truth, but it is always less painful than being caught out lying.

Rule 3: Never Listen Half-heartedly When She Talks.

Not listening when someone speaks is rude and shows disrespect for the person. If you do this your wife will grow to resent talking to you, and that is not a good position to get into in your relationship. Concentrate on what she says, and respond intelligently.

Rule 4: Don't Neglect To Assist With Household Tasks.

This is an area where many men are guilty. If you do not assist your wife with the household tasks you communicate to her that she is only your slave. On its own it can already destroy any feelings that your wife has for you, and together with the other things we mention it just makes things worse. Help her with household tasks - and not only every now and then either. No, make it a habit to help her, and watch how her respect for you grows.

Rule 5: Do Not Point Out Her Shortcomings.

We all have shortcomings because nobody is perfect. I bet you don't like it when someone points out your shortcomings to you, do you? No? Then do you think your wife enjoys it? Of course she doesn't. And she likes it even less when the person closest to her - her husband - is the one bringing it up. Only someone with a caveman attitude could argue that she "just has to take it" because she is inferior in any case. She is not inferior - God has made her extra special, in fact.

Rule 6: Do Not Lie On The Couch / Watch TV While She Works.

We get back to the slave issue again. In the previous article I already pointed out that you should not let your wife get the impression that she is only a slave to you. Lying on the couch and leaving your wife to do all the work is nothing other than letting her be your slave. This type of behavior screams at your wife that you have no respect for her. If you indulge in this behavior you should NOT be surprised if she leaves you for someone who treats her with respect.

Marriage As A Covenant Relationship.

One of the greatest mistakes that many people make regarding marriage is that they do not know what they are committing themselves to. When you get married you get into a covenant. You may be taught pri...or to getting married but you will never have a full appreciation until you get into marriage.

Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly for whatever reason. The world today has ridiculed it and divorce is rampant not only in the world but also in the church. It has ceased to have the sacredness that it was upheld in the days gone by. The main reason is that people think of it as a contract not a covenant. The understanding of covenant has been lost in our generation.

The moment that you say your vows things change in that instant. One of the greatest changes that takes place is that your body is not your own and your life ceases to be your own. Whereas in the days gone by you could just walk out the house and do as you please now there is another person to consider. Decisions cannot be made on a whim but have to made in consultation. Your life is no longer your own. You have to change when you get married.

You cannot just walk into marriage and walk out. One of the greatest lessons I had of covenant was a story of a man whose wife passed away because she would continuously nose bleed. When that situation got worse and was hospitalized because of that nasal hemorrhaging that man stood by his wife daily. He got the necessary days off to be with her in hospital every day. Every time people would go to the hospital they would not fail to see him with his wife. Till the day that she went to be with the Lord her husband was with her.

This man realized that he was in a covenant with his spouse and so should you when you are married. Life will always throw these opportunities to test your covenant keeping abilities. You will have that opportunities [yes many of them] to break that relationship and throw it away. At that time one of you should have the sense to fight for that relationship because you are in a covenant.In most cases of divorce there is someone faithful to the covenant. It is my firm belief that this thing that divorce is by mutual content is a lie. There is always someone who still wants to keep that thing going and is willing to fight for it with his/her all. There is usually still one person who wants to give it a shot and fight for the marriage.

This is the attitude that I believe we have lost in this generation: the will to fight for something we believe in. We have bought into the lie that when a marriage is broken it has to be thrown away and cannot be mended. Get another one while you are at it.Every marriage has to be fought for no matter the circumstances. Everyone who is married should mend what has been broken because one way or the other he/she is responsible. Take responsibility for your actions and your marriage.

Marriage As A Covenant Relationship

FOUR FACETS OF COVENANT LIVING.

1. God has to be at the center of your marriage. Many people take it for granted that God has to be at the center of a marriage. You need to go through what many people go through to get a spouse only then will you appreciate the wisdom of God I keeping your spouse for you.Many of us want to have things our own way as regards to marriage to the extent of going against our consciences. When we do many of us get hurt and for some it is irreparable damage to our souls. You just have to see a person wounded by a failed relationship to understand that God needs to be at the center. He should initiate the romance.When we let God be the center of your love life He will make sure that you get the right spouse. When you do, the life you live will manifest His grace both spiritually and physically. You will get a spouse whose life will inspire you to a better walk with God.

2. It involves two different people- you and your spouse are not the same and have to be different. When a covenant is cut two people bring two strengths into a mutually beneficial arrangement. These strengths become what makes the whole greater than the sum of the individuals. If you were the same then there is no need to have the other as a partner.In marriage the greatest challenges stem from the fact that we are different. Many people do not know how to reconcile the two. We have to come to the understanding that our masculine and feminine characteristics complement each other.People will change over time more so women after child birth but you cannot change and refuse to be with her. This is where you need to be a person of covenant and keep your word. We need to be covenant keepers and stand by the promises we gave.

3. It requires us to change- because you are in covenant we need to change to accommodate your spouse. Many people have shipwrecked their marriages because they are unwilling to change. In many cases these changes need to be about the way that we view the world and Christians in general. You cannot run a relationship with radical Christian beliefs for it will surely destroy the marriage. While there is nothing wrong with being radical it is the persistent radicalism that causes problems. It is a stage in the life of every believer but we need to come to a place where we are sober and realize you need to get out of that stage. There is no way that you can do these things forever.I know of many men who have destroyed their relationships and marriages because they want to run them like military barracks. You need to change and come back to the center. Some of the theories many of us held do not work because they are not practical.Realize that you are in a new relationship and you are in a new experience different from your radical views. Your definitions of spirituality do not work in a relationship and your radical ideas will have to be thrown out. Most of the radical Christians need to be sober and need to learn to handle a spouse. They need to change lest they become a casualty of life.

4. You need the advice of the witnesses to the marriage covenant [Proverbs 1114]. While many of us put on a facade that all is well we need to realize that what you go through in relationships and marriage is not unique to you. For this reason there is a cloud of witnesses here on earth that can help you out of that fix. Even more so many people just do not ask anyone to aid in the problems. We easily forget that this is the reason many of us were witnesses at your wedding. We as the witnesses are there to encourage you when you hit rough patches.

There is nothing new about the experiences we go through. It is my firm belief that all things being equal men will all behave in a similar way in the same situations. The same is true for women. This is why it’s important to seek advice and because there is nothing new about what you are going though in your marriage. Counsel will help you to keep covenant as what you may view as a mountain in marriage will be merely a molehill in the presence of godly counsel.As I close I want you as a believer to commit to a life of covenant. We need to be covenant keepers and stand by the promises we gave. Make it a point for you and your house you will keep covenant.

The Trouble With Rebound Relationships.

Its never easy when a relationship goes sour. All the love, attention, emotional investment that a person has made to his/her loved one suddenly goes down the drain.

The stress and emotional turmoil that goes with this situation can be extremely devastating on a person. That is why it is not the most ideal ...time for a person who has just experienced a break up to enter into a new relationship. Because chances are, that a person who is in this situation is just committing his/herself into a rebound relationship. Although, they might not be aware of it at the time.

Emotional baggage:

Persons who have just experienced a rebound relationship is extremely vulnerable. They need a lot of emotional support, kindness, and understanding. Sometimes when these individuals who are torn and heartbroken feel that they can't find this support from their friends and family, they commit themselves into a new relationship.
The problem with this set-up is that individuals who are experiencing a heartache may not have any true feelings for the new person in their lives. They may still be confused and leering from their previous relationship. They just need somebody to help them heal.

Rotten deal:

Now if you are on the receiving end of this arrangement, chances are you are getting a rotten deal. Especially if you are already emotionally invested in this person. Rebounds can get extremely ugly for both parties. Especially once the clouds have cleared up, and the person who has just been through a break up realizes that he or she does not have any true feelings for this person that they are in a relationship with!

Comparison??

There is always the danger of persons who have been committed in a previous relationship to project their feelings of their former ex towards this new person that they have in their lives. Especially, if there are a lot of unresolved issues with his/her previous significant other.

Whatever flaws that a person may have had might be unconsciously transferred into the perception of an individual who has not fully gotten over their previous ex. This situation is a recipe for disaster. It will instigate many fights:(
The sad thing about this is the new person that would be entering your life might be really special. But chances are if things stay as they are, a person put into this spot would not stick around:(

Another problem with being involved in a rebound relationship is that it doesn't allow individuals who have just had a break up to work out whatever issues they might still have left from their previous broken relationship. The companionship that they get from a new person sometimes may serve as a false sense of security.

This becomes their way of burying problems. But problems and issues need to be resolved and not be suppressed because they will only come back to haunt them!

Take things slow, hopefully

It would be a good idea to take things slow. Just until a person who has just ended a relationship start to heal. If you find that you are interested in a new person, you might want to inform this person of your situation.
Be friends and see where it goes. Look at it this way, if two individuals are meant to be together, destiny will bring them together!

The Secret to Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity

To protect our marriages, we need to make a daily decision to have an affair-proof relationship. This protection builds trust and security — which in turn — melts the ice. (See a separate Article on What is cheating in a Marriage). Security from marital fidelity is built when we do four important things.

 
Four Ways to Affair - Proof Your Marriage

 

The Secret to Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity

1. Make a Commitment Towards Growth.

First, it's extremely important to make a commitment to keep growing in your relationship with your mate. Sexual temptation increases as the satisfaction in the relationship decreases. In other words, the lower the relational happiness the greater the temptation to medicate through some kind of addictive behavior (e.g., sex, alcohol, work, etc.). In order to find out what your relationship needs, ask your mate "What is something that I could do that would cause our relationship to grow?" I encourage you to begin making a list of the specific things and pick one of them to do on a weekly basis.

2. Becoming Aware of Your Choices.

 A damaging force working against marital fidelity is rationalization. Today's test for honesty seems to be, "It's okay as long as you don't get caught," or "It's not that bad, every one's doing it." A major battle is won when we stop asking what's wrong with certain choices, and instead, ask what's right with them.
The choices we make every day, dictate the life we lead. To thine own self be true! Basically, this is same message that Luke talks about in the Scriptures. "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much" (Luke 16:10). In other words, how we handle the small things dictates how we react to the bigger ones. I now start each day out by thinking about the choices I'll make and how they can dictate my life. For example, if I spend too much time talking to a female co-worker, I need to be aware of how this can weaken my defenses or make me susceptible for an affair (emotional as well as physical).
The last part, "to thine own self be true," simply means as Christians, we must learn what God desires for our lives and remain true to His wishes. Becoming aware of our choices leads us right into the third way to affair-proof our marriages.

3. Draw a Line and Then Stay a Safe Distance Behind It.

If you want to affair proof your marriage, it's important to draw a line and then stay a safe distance behind it. For each person the safety line will be different. Some people will not be able to take business trips or work late with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Others may not be able to meet a certain person for lunch or to work-out at the gym. Whatever the situation, determine where you need to draw the line. Since everyone makes mistakes, having room before you fall over the edge can be the difference between a compromising situation and losing your marriage.

4. Become Accountable to Someone.

The final piece for maintaining marital fidelity is through accountability. Accountability is simply being responsible to another person or persons for the commitments you've made. If you desire to affair-proof your marriage, I encourage you to ask a good friend, pastor, bible study group, or co-worker for accountability. The important ingredient is having someone to ask the difficult questions. For example, "Did you compromise your standards last week?" or "Have you been getting your emotional needs met from someone other than your mate?" Ideally, these questions force us to carefully and prayerfully consider our choices because we know that someone will be checking.
If your desire is to build a protective hedge around your marriage, or if you and your mate are recovering from the damaging effects of an affair, by making the above four things a part of your life, you can melt the ice-covered sidewalks of your relationship, where trust and security are sure to follow.

What you Need to Know About Marriage.

What you Need to Know About Marriage

Marriage is a School where you get the Certificate before you start. A school where you will never graduate, ... A school without a break or a free period, A school where no one is allowed to drop out, A school which you will have to attend... every day of your life, A school where there is no sick leave or holidays.

A school founded by God: 

1. On the foundation of love, 

2. The walls are made out of trust, 

3. The door made out of acceptance, 

4. The windows made out of understanding 

5. The furniture made out of blessings 

6. The roof made out of faith.

Before you forget, you are just a student not the principal, God is the Principal Even in times of storms, don't be unwise and run outside, remember this school is the safest place to be. Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day. Never forget the C-word, Communicate to your classmate and to the Principal If you find out something in your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate. Remember your classmate is also just a student not a graduate, God is not finished with him/her yet. So take it as a challenge and work on it together. Do not forget to study, study, study the Holy Book (the main textbook in this school).

In this school, you start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way. Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to. When tempted to quit find courage and continue. Some tests and exams may be tough but remember the Principal knows how much you can bear. But still it is a school better than any other, It is one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and happiness accompany each lessons of the day. Different subjects are offered in this school, yet 'love' is the major subject, After all the years of theorizing about it, now you have a chance to practice it. To be loved is a good thing, but to love is a greatest privilege of them all Marriage is a place of love, so love your spouse! But remember:"This class doesn't involve the 3rd person"! If you invite your mother or father or your friends to this class, both of you will fail the exam. It takes two to attend and it takes two to pass. Its your choice today:" build it or break it"?

Ways to Know a Man/Woman May be Cheating.

Understand this is simply a guide or signs, so don’t aimlessly go off and accuse your mate of cheating because it seems to fit. As long as you have really gotten to know, observe and paid attention to change from when the relationship started these things will be easily recognized. Make sure you have the facts and/or proof before doing something drastic because lives, kids, well being, etc are at stake!


(Also read "What is Cheating in a Relationship?")

Ladies:

1. If he all of a sudden gets an attitude and creates unnecessary arguments to hangout ‘with his boys, leave, or get away, he’s with someone else who he feels is doing for him what he feels you should do every day. If some condoms are missing he didn’t ‘give them to his boy and you didn’t miscount, he’s doing it with someone else with or without them and not smart enough to keep track of the amount! 

2. If he’s away from you for a week and don’t want to have sex or hold you upon his return, he was away doing what n whoever as they say ‘getting his grown man on,’ If you are away for a week a ‘man is going to be a man’, do yourself a favor when returning and check the bedroom and bathroom trashcan. Check his credit card if he has one and the gas mileage too because men will travel while you’re gone to do what they do.

3. If his daily routine/behavior changes and he’s making excuses like ‘I’m working or I have to work late,’ he’s working alright while out with someone else on a hot date! If he, his clothes or the sheets smell like a fragrance that doesn’t smell like you, it came from another woman who he is way too close to!

4. If he stops returning your calls/texts promptly he’s up to no good, he’s away from the house doing dirt while he could! If he’s emailing, facebooking, texting others flirting they are not in the friend zone, ole girl is just waiting for any opportunity to make him her very own! If he turns his phone off, has a pass-code to access or voice-mail he has something to hide, most men aren’t the brightest so most men don't think and keep damaging evidence inside!

Gentlemen:
 
1. If your woman begins to complain more than the norm and belittle you in public when out, she doesn’t feel the need to treat you properly anymore because it’s another man she’s all about. If your woman gets defensive when asked the simplest of questions like where are you, if ‘none of your business or why you want to know’ is responded she’s out being untrue!

2. If your woman was submissive but isn’t anymore or an initiator but no longer initiates, she’s been exposed to something new from elsewhere who she is seeing or probably out on dates. If your woman no longer shows you affection and stays on her side of the bed, she’s cuddling, giving and receiving pleasure elsewhere on the computer or with another man or woman instead!

3. If your woman begins to go out and wear sexy outfits showing off her curves, it’s not for you she’s getting jazzy for someone else because she thinks you get on her nerves. If your woman explains her outings in too much detail when she is normally vague she’s trying too hard, guilt has gotten to her and she’s trying to cover her tracks so stay on guard! 

5 If your woman is suddenly encouraging you to go out with friends and is basically pushing you out the door, she’s doing it for a reason and it’s probably because she not feeling you anymore. If your woman gets a new set of single friends or ones you never meet, odds are she hanging out spending time with a dude and letting him take her out to eat!

Now Ladies and Gents - CHEATING is real easy hence why so many engage in it. Know that it takes a better person to be true to one than to many! READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL and also know if he/she is cheating with you, he will cheat on you! So men/women TRUST YOUR INTUITION making sure you have the facts and/or proof before doing anything drastic! Once you have the evidence, don’t be scared of what you know to be true, kick him/her to the curb immediately because there is someone else out there more deserving and better for you that wont BETRAY you in the worst way!

What is Cheatingin a relationship/marriage?

The best way to define CHEATING so that intent, emotional and physical aspects are all covered is simple as to say:- To do or say anything that you wouldn’t do or say with your mate RIGHT BESIDE YOU! Many arguments, complaints and drama over INTENT (getting numbers, texting or being online intending to get to know someone else), EMOTIONAL (actually spending time, effort and energy getting to know and co...nnecting with someone else) or PHYSICAL (kissing, sex) never even occur if that rule is followed by both in the relationship! This means if you not going to ask for his/her number with your mate right beside you, don’t do it…If you not going to dance like that with your mate right beside you, don’t do it…If you not going to accept that drink with your mate right beside you, don’t do it…If you not going to talk and/or flirt in person or online like that with your mate right beside you, don’t do it…If you not going to touch, hug, kiss or anything physical like that with your mate right beside you, don’t do it! Learn to respect your mate or be single!

Cheating doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with a third party. Once you find yourself deleting texts and e-mails so your partner wont see them, you are already there.... Its like a cancer it develops slowly but you will surely feel the pain when its fully grown. The funny thing is most of the times, people try to find what they already have because they don't just appreciate what they have. Remember the grass may look green on the other side but what if you could just invest time and energy by watering the one that you have. Wouldn't the world be a better place to be today?

Can you imagine how strong your relationship would be if you would not waste your energy, resources and time on things that have no future. Secret, small, hidden relationships are like ticks they suck all the good things out of your marriage or relationship and makes it unstable. it will take you more effort to repair what you would have damaged and the sad thing is sometimes those wounds might never heal.

Now with these so called social networks (Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Gtalk, iChat and many other platforms)- so many marriages and relationships are being damaged behind the scenes. Have you ever calculated the time that you invest in these social networks? What if that time can be used to promote those areas that you are struggling? Evaluate what the gain and losses that you have at the end of the day because in every conversation its either you are gaining or you are losing?

Cheating in Relationships

Stop sexting and flirting with those people- Yes you know them. Imagine your partner (Husband/wife) reading the messages that you receive, would he/she reply with a free heart on your behalf???? If the answer is NO, then that is an unhealthy chat/ talk that you are having Stop it before its too late. Some mistakes will cost you for a life time yet you could have just avoid them by just ignoring that chick/ dude who now loves you because you have been turned into a better 'asset' by your current partner. Where were they when you were struggling?

Please may you all get rid of all the parasitic relationships that will always be a treat to your relationships' healthy. Fight for what is right and never give up on the one you Love. Yes l said health because you have to know and take care of it just like your body. Love it as you love your body, maintain it as you maintain your skin, teeth, hair and nails. True love means hard-work. Do not apply if you are not prepared to take the risks. Stay out for a relationship if you still want to fool around (but that has its own price) because a relationship calls for great deal of commitment.

Most of the young people think that they will start being faithful when they get married- Word of Advise (You can never teach an old dog new tricks) That is why they are so many broken familes because people think they still have time to adjust. Start practicing being true to yourself when no one is watching because that's who you really are. Besides its by nature that what goes around comes around- Do you think the person that you got out of a secret affair will stop just because you are now with her/him?

A real man is allowed to be a man.

A real man is allowed to be a man.... YES he can show his feelings.

That does not make him any less of a real man.  A real man knows this and accepts this. A real man isn’t afraid of his feelings.

Men are allowed to have feelings. Men are emotionally driven beings too. They want to know that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right. The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked. But you can create a atmosphere of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it.

Though we speak often of women and children as being abused,  the hidden group are men.  Many times men will never talk about what happened to them as a child.

Men do suffer, usually in silence, from abuse as women do. Men because of society are afraid to stand up and out. Fear of being called names and labeled sissies or a coward.

Men, this applies to all men, whether straight, gay, bi or any other…. you might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Calls you names,  insults you or puts you down,
• Prevents you from going to work or school,
• Stops you from seeing family members or friends,
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear,
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful,
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs,
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon, Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets,
• Assaults you while you're sleeping, you've been drinking or you're not paying attention to make up for a difference in strength,
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will,
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it,
• Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual.

Men not only have to fight themselves they have to fight what society views as a weak man. A man that can’t stand up to a woman or for themselves. I see them as a man that has love, too much love for a person that they have forgotten how to love themselves.

Abuse is not always physical, abuse can be emotional. Even the denial of affection can be considered abusive. The denial of saying I love you to your children or significant other.  Denying your true feelings will only come back to hurt you if you aren’t already hurting inside.

A- ALIENATING
B- BELITTLING
U- UNDERMINING
S- SLAVERY
E- EMBARRASSMENT

 I have the other side of ABUSE myself growing up.

 I watched my own father endure emotional abuse. I would see him cry. Yes a grown man cry. A man that loved not only his wife, but his children enough to stay and allow himself to be treated cruelly for most of his adult life. A man that couldn’t stand up for himself. Someone that everyone that knew him  loved and cared for him and had nothing but good things to say about him. But, a man that many pitied and said they never understood why he took it.
Men, if this is you. You also deserve better. Your kids deserve better. Just as people stand up for women I am standing up for you.

Men stand up for you and those you love. Love yourself enough to put space between you and those that hurt you. You don't have to divorce your partner but maybe a wake up call of separation is what they need will get them to seek help. Don't enable bad behavior. It shows kids it is OK to treat people badly. They learn by what they see not hear.

Ladies...Do not destroy a good loving man. Get help. Be strong enough to admit you need it. That shows strength.

Domestic violence against men can have devastating effects. Although you may not be able to stop your partner's or your parents past abusive behavior, you can seek help.  Remember, no one deserves to be abused. Seeking help for yourself is a sign of strength. It says you love yourself enough to find a way to stop it.

Remember, if you're being abused, you aren't to blame but you are teaching your children what is to considered normal behavior and acceptance in one. But you are to blame if you stay. If you allow it to continue.

Fathers….Being a man is not about what you say to your children, especially the boys.  It is what he sees you doing is what he learns, just as you did.
There are the fathers who instead of allowing a son to show emotion he demeans him and tells him to man-up and stop being a sissy. Being a man, means you can show emotion and be proud of it. It means you can hurt, heck you are human.

They can also learn the opposite. If they see you accepting abuse they view women as hurtful and man as weak. Those strive to be different and there is usually no medium. They go all the way out to “Prove” they are a man. Many times they become abusive.

Our boys need to learn that it is ok to feel. To hurt, have fears, be confused and so many more emotions. Yes please teach them they don’t have to act on each one, but never tell them they aren’t allowed to feel.

Many mothers call boys names if they cry. They demean them in front of friends and family. They teach them to be ashamed of their feelings.
Then they grow up into men that are not affectionate, caring or loving. Or if they are they don’t show it.

That is usually a woman’s complaint about men, but many times that same woman has no problem raising her own son that way.

Men complain women are to needy or insecure. But they have no problem with holding affection.  They have been taught to be a man you have to be stiff and unfeeling. They become afraid to show feelings.

So don’t let what your parents did to you cause you to remain unfeeling, uncaring, afraid and un-affectionate. You deserve happiness and the right to show it.

Abuse can be carried on without a person realizing it.

Remember you don’t need a bruise to be abused.

Let the cycle end with you!!!!